Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
