Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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