I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
