why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
