im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
