Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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