At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
