Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Sober January is a disaster.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize