Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
