Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
