there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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