Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
