highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
