Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
