She is in my trunk
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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