Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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