dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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