I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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