i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
