god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
