i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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