I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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