I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
