I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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