after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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