nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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