Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
