Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
