When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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