That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize