Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
