didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
