In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize