The maid of honor just puked.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Randomize
