my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
