Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize