You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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