dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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