Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
