So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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