I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize