no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
