just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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