she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Let's paint friendship bongs
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
