I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
