You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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