she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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