I puked a lego.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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