I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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