3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Enjoy the penises
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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