look no pants
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
