i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
