wakey wakey hands off snakey
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
