I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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