does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
