You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
