is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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