Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
