Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
