im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
