He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
