Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
