I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
