if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
