Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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